Sunday, July 8, 2012

wow - 2 months since I last blogged? yikes. no excuses. here goes. Updates on the kids will come soon, but I have something on my mind and I need to get it out. I have recently seen two movies that really make you think about the course your life has taken and where you would be if you'd made different decisions. The first is The Adjustment Bureau and the second is The Family Man. If you haven't seen them, you need to. Fate, free-will, the two intersecting.... you get the idea. I often look around the family room in the evening before bed and see Jason on the couch, watch Elijah on the monitor, and see Jonah's toys strewn around the floor only to wonder... how did I get here? When did I get off of the feminist-activist-taking-the-world-by-storm wagon and onto the mommy-track? I never had a specific plan for what my life would look like, but it roughly involved independence, an apartment, an Executive Director position at some non-profit, maybe in D.C. I repeat the story (probably too often) about how I didn't want to get married or have children. Which is true, BUT falling in love changes everything.... and I fell hard. I got here because on August 23, 2003 I chose to go to a party where I met Jason Meslin. From that moment on, I realized that I wasn't in control - this was a difficult concept for me to grasp. I learned that a higher power, a greater being was putting things in my path and allowing me to make the ultimate decisions. I distinctly remember the day I met Jason, the day fell in love with him, the day I knew I wanted to marry him, the day we decided to move to New Jersey, the day we decided to have a baby, the day we decided to have another baby, and the day we decided to move to Naperville. I don't regret a single decision, in fact I cherish each one. The "how did I get here" question isn't about regrets or wondering "what if" but rather, it is about being awestruck by the course my life has taken and how happy I am, right where I am. I get to wake up next to the man I love, in a beautiful home, with two healthy, happy, handsome sons.

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