I was running an errand by myself the other day (rarity) and on my way home, I heard a song on the radio, a hip-hop song that probably would have played in a club in my pre-husband, pre-children days of going-out. I was suddenly transported back to my younger, thinner, more beautiful self of, oh.... about 21 years old. I was at a club with a bunch of girlfriends, drinking Captain & Diet, doing shots of cherry vodka and dancing my ass off. No doubt, I was hot - I never dressed slutty though, it was more about confidence than looks.
It took me a long time to feel good in my skin; to not compare myself to those perfectly skinny, big-boobed, girls with fake tans getting ALL the attention. I was finally in a place where a man's affection and attention were icing on the cake, not my reason for living. Secretly, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to get married and, instead, I could go on living this life.
So, there I am, getting hit on, laughing and carrying-on over drinks with friends, oblivious to the fact that in 10 short years I will be happily married with two kids.
I am sure lots of mothers have these moments. The times when we remember fondly the single life.... to the point where we wish we could go back in time, maybe just for a day or two, to party without worrying about waking up the next morning with the kids; or being the object of affection to a handsome stranger; or spending your paycheck on an amazing pair of high heels just to wear out to the bar.
I think some moms are scared to admit this - they don't want anyone to think they don't love their children. OF COURSE I love my children and I am so blessed to have two beautiful boys. But I spent 29 years WITHOUT them and only 3 WITH them, so I am still adjusting!