Thursday, January 19, 2012

I suck at parenting

I've never been fired from a job, but I'm pretty sure that if my kids could fire me, they would.

On more than a few occasions I have stated that I "suck" at this stay-at-home-mom-thing, or even just the mom-thing. I don't say it so that other people will say "No! You're a great mom!", I really believe that I am sucking at this gig! I lose my temper way too often, my kids watch too much T.V., I resent them when I don't have time for myself, I even curse them when I have to live on only a few hours of sleep. I suppose that most moms feel this way at some point in their parenting lives or their entire parenting lives. Which begs the question: What makes a successful mom?

If I looked at this gig as a regular job, how would you measure success? Well, it seems that most often times we measure ourselves by how our children act or how they turn-out. For instance, I will be seen as a good mom for having a well-behaved child at play group, despite the fact that I fed him McDonalds for lunch? Will I be seen as a crappy mom if my child throws a tantrum at playgroup but I fed him a homemade healthy meal for lunch?

Unfortnately moms end up using other people's judgement as their guidelines for success. In motherhood, unlike regular jobs, there are no raises, no clients singing your praises, no bosses patting you on the back. Instead we need to be able to either look into our child's eyes and see your hard work reflected back OR you use the verbal feedback you hear from friends and family. Obviously, the former is much harder to do than the later. So, what do I judge myself based upon? Some weird combination of both.

1 comment:

The Fluff Master said...

I bet the opposite :) The fact that you feel you suck means that you are at least a realist in that there is always room for self-improvement. Many mothers don't even take the time to check themselves. You are human so suckiness is expected from time to time. You want some feedback on how you are doing? Do your kids tell you they love you? Jump in your lap and give you one of those hugs that make you feel amazing? When you walk into your baby's bedroom, do their eyes light up and a bright smile appear on their face? The happiness and smile of your children are your feedback. Love and stability is what children want and need most - if you provide that you are golden :) Of course, this is just my opinion... :)