Sunday, August 9, 2009

Big Debut!

Jonah and Nana

Jonah and Bapa

Jonah with Nana and Uncle Jake

Jonah with Aunt Shell

Jonah with Uncle Tim

Jonah made his big debut in Michigan two weeks ago and he was a smash hit! My mom graciously hosted an open house to have all our friends and family over to meet him. We had an amazing turnout and although Jonah was pretty fussy most of the day (due to being deprived of his regular naps) he did the best he could to put on a happy face!

He is now 12 weeks old and his whole demeanor seems to have changed. He recognizes his mobile and baby toys and tries to grasp for them, he drools like it's his job, his waking hours are much more alert, he is now content lying under his play-gym or in his crib for more than 5 minutes at a time, and his hair is growing in nicely!

I went back to work on Thursday - I really love my job and my co-workers, so coming back isn't painful. Jonah seems to love his babysitter so his transition appears to be an easy one too. Staying home with Jonah was not something I planned on doing - and now that I've had a taste of it, I know that I want to work outside the house. It takes a special kind of parent to give themselves so fully, 24-hours-a-day to their child and I hate to say it, but I'm not that person.

I know that it doesn't make me any less of a mother, but in some ways I wish that I wanted to stay home. It is a confusing time for me - trying to figure out what kind of mother I am and what kind of mother I want to be is a lot harder than it looks. Nothing about motherhood is "natural", you have to live it and then learn from it and make it up as you go along. I know that I am doing the best I can, but when you're responsible for someone else's life, your "best" never seems good enough. And to make matters worse I am a control-freak and a perfectionist by nature, making it that much more difficult to accept the chaos that my life has become due to the arrival of a baby. Oh well, it is what it is.

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